Most of us normal American citizens are busy waiting in line to get five more beers at halftime so we can get into a post-game parking lot fight because we caught some SOB pissing on our gas grill. Other stupid people (Quakers probably) actually do stay in their seats and enjoy the halftime show. And we all know how weird Quakers are. They need to stop dressing so dang plain and quit making that junky oatmeal. The stuff tastes like powdered dirt.
#10 The Greatest Halftime Show Missed Dunk Of All-Time - It's like he was mysteriously hit with lightning by Jesus in mid-air. Perhaps Jesus is tired of all the dunking in the NBA and wants everyone, including the fans, to get back to the basic fundamentals of the game.
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#9 Cheerleader Gets Crushed In Halftime Show Malfunction - And you know they were totally dating and she so broke up with that guy after that. What a total jerk, right girls?
#7 The Super Bowl Halftime Streaker - Streaking is something every sports fan should do at least once in their lifetime. I recommend doing it at the Lingerie Bowl.
#6 Prince Gives An Extremely "Self-Gratifying" Super Bowl Performance - So let me get this straight FCC, jewelry covered boobs are unacceptable but guitar masturbation is okay?
#5 Ashlee Simpson Gets Booed In Miami - I don't know why everyone was so upset. That was the greatest Yoko Ono impersonation the world has ever seen.
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#4 Amazing Japanese Halftime Show - Americans are simply too fat and lazy to pull off something like this. There's like math involved there and who knows how to math anymore. Boo Math!
