There are few things that will make me post something even remotely serious on All Balls, but yesterday's Roger Federer vs. Rafael Nadal Wimbledon final was probably the greatest tennis match ever played. It was so good that it might have been as exhilarating as some of the greatest porn I've ever seen. Like Island Fever 3, for example. That was a good one.
In what many sports analysts are calling the funniest and worst injury in pro sports history, the Arizona Diamondbacks placed catcher Chris Snyder on the 15-day disabled list with a "fractured testicle." Snyder left Monday night's game after being hit in the balls by a foul tip. He underwent an MRI on Tuesday which revealed that he will forever be know as "the guy who broke his testicle." Okay, I have so many questions I don't know where to begin. First of all, don't you need to have a bone in that area in order to have something to "fracture?" Wait, that's what she said! Perhaps it's actually possible to get a balls boner. I guess I'm making that my goal for the 4th of July weekend. I better call that really slutty masseuse I met a few years back.
Even though Marge begged him not to for fear that he would re-aggravate his butt tendinitis, Homer Simpson went out and threw the ceremonial first pitch at a recent Dodgers game. Fortunately nobody was hurt, but Barney was apparently arrested for public intoxication and Ralph Wiggum was ejected from the stadium for excessive nose picking.
How do celebrities truly perform athletically without the help of slick camerawork and CGI technology? After extensive investigative journalist, interweb research, and polling 279 random hot girls on the street, I've found the results to be surprisingly mixed. Some celebrities have got some serious game while others suck really bad. The good news is the ones that suck really bad are really, really bad.
I am gaining more and more respect for the sport of women's soccer these days. There's just something about the sport that seems more appealing than it used to be, yet I can't really seem to put my finger on it (that's what she said). The game seems to move at such an "up and down" pace and it has more "bounce" to its step. I'm guess it might have something to do with hot girls and their boobs. I'm so confused.
We had no idea Shaq's lyrical abuse ran so deep, but then we found another clip in the archives of Shaq Diesel dissing yet another NBA player in rapular form -- Sacramento tall, sweaty, foreign guy, Vlade Divac. Yes, rapular is a word; we swear we've heard Shaq say it. This clip was shot during the now much-contested 2002 Championship Series and I'm sure Divac and the rest of the Kings would have something to say about it. That's why we're calling for a Divac rap retort. We expect it in our inbox by morning, Vlade. So enjoy the clip. And check out Shaq's rad cell phone. Man, rich people got it good.
